If you have been shopping around for an album to give your young children this Christmas, Cuntscapes' "Papsmear Campaign" is probably not the best choice. It you are looking for that special CD to give your wife for that special anniversary, again I would think twice unless you REALLY love sleeping on the couch. If fact, I have been racking my brains to think of who exactly you COULD give it to, and I have narrowed it down to mental patients, criminologists, serial sex offenders, abortion clinics and chicks you really hate. Oh, and Metalheads.
Us poor pricks really get the rough end of the stick, don't we? Well, pull on your rubbers and let's get this psychologist's wet dream rolling.
Starting with the soothing strains of two sweet young things discussing the Almighty's fellatial proclivities, Cuntscape spends the next 33 minutes gently scraping the wood from the bottom of the barrel of sexual taboos. There is pretty much nothing that is off-limits here, all the most offensive topics are not so much brought to light, but rammed into your face with a clawhammer and affixed there with a nailgun. It's a bit like a particularly shocking episode of South Park, only way more malajusted. With such politically considerate song titles as "Uncle Nasty Fingers Reoffends", "Cum Fart Tart" and "Beauty and the Yeast", this is a truly fucked up album for all the family.
The brainchild of Dyson AKA "Lord Labia" and Brad AKA "Sir Vixalot", Cuntscrape is a step back a decade or so ago to the days when they were in CHOKE together, the band which introduced to Perth Metal songs of such depravity that it was actually banned. As I am sure that I will be reviewing that old nugget before long I will speak no more of it in this review, but suffice to say that the years have done nothing to make their lyrics less degenerate. These "Dirty Old Men" have gone to such lengths to stun a jaded and immunized Metal Community that they even had band photos done in which they all appear as the seediest looking paedophiles you can imagine. Creepy has a new definition.
The music is sleezy-sounding, very detuned and fits somewhere between Thrash and Stoner Metal. Not especially heavy, the music is interesting nonetheless, some unusual passages here and there. Songs are short, averaging out at only about a minute and a half, but there is no end of interesting moments shoehorned into them. One of the few "comedy" albums going around in a city full of the grim and frostbitten, "Papsmear Campaign" is freekish to say the least, and laced with the absurd. Some examples of the truly bizarre Cuntscape nonsense:
1. The demented Jazz skat going on in UNFR.
2. The "Mountains of Georgia" Hillbilly swang vocals of "The Bicurious case of...."
3. The bizarre vocals in the short and munted "Fleshlight"
4. The porno sound bite in.... well every song really.
5. The periodic short but very unhealthy "Adverts" made to sound like they are from the 50's.
6. The totally whacked out song "Wham Bam, didn't know you were a man", is altogether wrong, kazoos and mental vocals, has to be heard to understand.
Despite the fact it is a metal album, there are only a few moments where the boys really strip it back and give us something to bang our heads to. "So you Think you can Fuck" and "Fisterectomy" and the suprisingly long "Twillight of the Chunder God" are three such moments where the nutball collective remember that they are actually headbangers and give us a fat groove for a bit, but the songs are always over before your neck muscles even start to warm up. The lyrics and music are so bound up together that it is hard to imagine one without the other, and when you take into account the lyrical content that seems like the only way it could work. In fact, I can't imagine it any other way, it is slimy music with slimy lyrics played by some very slimy looking individuals, a most unhealthy and villianously perverse CD. Cuntscapes' "Papsmear Campaign" is a triumphant work of rottenness, an eruption of depraved miscreant flagitiousness, and if you are into that sort of humour, some very funny shit.. Don't take my word for it, pick up a copy. But don't forget to disconnect your morality chip.
The thing I liked most about this album is reviewing it. The boys from Cuntscrape have created something so twisted and unethical that the nastier I write about them, the better the review.
Now work that one out.
Review by Jez.
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